Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Just a Dream...

It was just a dream, but it frightened me, frightened me to my inner core.

My mother had past away; the strong, intelligent, beautiful and forever caring woman that held the family together. She was a mother of seven; the eldest of her children at the age of twenty-nine and the youngest only of seven years. The fu jeiv laix was most fond of my kind mother. At times of loneliness or worry, he would call my mother's cellphone and she would pick up and asked him what was wrong. "Oh du aa, maih tzu zou oh, maa zwone byoa aa low." And she would come home, give her son a big hug and rest him assured that he was safe and not alone.

But in the dream, in the nightmare, the elder children who understood what death meant and the permanent mark that would forever stain their lives, couldn't bare to explain to the fu jeiv laix where his mother had gone. So he would do as he normally did whenever he felt alone- he called his mom.

It ringed and ringed and ringed, he continued to stay on the line. He was sure he punched in the right number, for it was the very first phone number he ever learned. Even before his home phone, even before the emergency phone with only three numbers, he remembered his maa's cellphone number. We stood around him, keeping our tears and internal grief from seeping out so that he wouldn't have the slightest hint or clue about reality.

He clicked the phone off, turned to us with a strained smile and quietly said, "Maa said she's gonna come home soon and not to worry."

The elder children looked at one another and didn't know whether he was lying or if someone did pick up the phone. It was an eerie feeling for a child of seven to tell you that the person who has presumably past away, replied to him, spoke to him, and made a promise to come home.

And so he waited, in the living room in front of the door. Hours past and the elder children sat around him to keep him company. Suddenly, he ran up to the door even though none of them had heard a door bell ring. He turned around and was embraced by a pair of strong but comforting arms.

The rest of us stood shocked- it was our mother. We didn't know if she was a ghost, if she really did pass on, or if this was an illusion set up with cruel intentions.

She patted her fu jeiv laix and told him she was home, and he needn't worry. Her fu jeiv laix asked her where she's been, and she simply replied that she was just gone, but she's come home to spend one last time with her fu jeiv laix. She will take him to the park to push him on the swing set and watch him play on the school's playground, to the store to buy clothes for a growing child she won't be able to see grow, to the restaurant to eat his favorite meal that she won't be able to cook for him, to buy him the toy that he's always wanted because she's always hoped to give him everything. To show him how much she loved her fu jeiv laix and to apologize for the time she didn't spend with him.

Our mother, our strong, beloved forever in our hearts, dreams, soul and blood, our maa.

Monday, March 8, 2010

So what's going on

Watching "The Bachelor" right now and Molly and Jason's wedding. I don't really care much for it but my roommate has the show on.
Major headache today. Went to two classes and then had to tread back to my apartment before I fainted.
Alright I'm going to do like a pure stream of conscious talking.
My best guy friend has started to really annoy me by making a lot of assumptions and then acting as if those assumptions were true. In which case, from those "facts" that he's conjured up, he treats me and my friend accordingly. I vented my frustration out to one of my closest friend who's actually the one he's making most of the assumptions about, but that might be because he's still enamored by her. Unrequited love turned in-denial.

How do people have time to put on make-up, do their hair and then take pictures just to show on Myspace or some other networking site. Seriously, when I was in high school, I could care less about trying to get more comments or picture views. Has this new generation gotten even more materialistic? What am I saying, of course it has. What frightens me is the usage of fake eyelashes which is widely used nowadays. I understand that due to media portrayals of females, a lot of girls feel extremely insecure with themselves. But I just don't understand how "fake" can be reigning over natural beauty.

Blah blah blah.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

March 4th Statewide Strike

While many ask about why college students waste time to do something as pointless as marching and protesting, I will ask the question: "Do you know why we are protesting?"

If anyone has witnessed or have learned about the movements of the 1960s, they would understand that these movements laid the foundation for what we are trying to do presently--to go against injustice.

When we feel something has been unjustly committed, we protest. That's happened for the Vietnam War, the Iraq War, worker lay-offs, and we students have something we feel strongly against. Many of our opposer's say that we're doing unnecessary actions and that we have to take the burden of the states' budget cuts just like everyone else. Who isn't to say that we aren't taking the burden? But exactly who does the burden fall upon? Certainly it hits students hard but at the same time, our parents, grandparents and guardians might be greatly affected from these increased fees and budget cuts. They're forced with taking pink slips, furlough days, and now on top of a job crisis, their children's public education is kicked up to a percentage higher than any other state.

Higher education is just out of the question nowadays for many low-income families. With the costs of college going up, and the possibilities of lay-offs for many parents, a four year debt-inducing degree doesn't seem quite wise. It's no surprise that California is ranked 49 out of 51 in education in comparison to all the other states while we invest the most in our prison systems. Majority of those in prison are in it for either theft or drug possession. Why is it that the state spends on average $47,000 on prisoners every year and yet only $8,000 on students?

Those who can afford these increased fees, that's great. But for those whose families' are starting to feel the pinch, perhaps you can be persuaded to come join us. This is a battle for the future of public education. Our tax money goes more to incarcerating our youths than teaching them how to stay on track.

We have legitimate reasons to protest. We do not try to impede others from their education either. We're trying to voice our concern to a state that has long neglected its students. Letters and phone calls are just not enough anymore.


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The starting of a blog

I just wanted to start one because I realized that I talk to myself a lot. So I suppose it would be a little healthier if I actually just wrote down what I normally would say to myself.

I just had a debate today that I believe went fairly well. Though I didn't particularly like the other team's second rebuttal, I don't blame them for their lack of information since we decided not to give it to them ;).

I've been thinking a lot. Recently I just found out my 16 year old brother is dating my friend. She's around my age of course and while the age may be a little bit problematic because of maturity levels, that's not the only thing I'm uncomfortable with.
  1. I cannot see my little brother dating someone who I have attended classes with.
  2. He's my little brother.
  3. If their relationship doesn't work out, I can only imagine how awkward it would be for them afterwards.
But do not worry! My brother asked me how I felt and I told him while I don't approve of it, it doesn't matter what my opinion is. Because he is old enough to make his own decision about who he wants to date and hopefully he'll learn a lot from this relationship. As long as they're happy, then I wish them the best deep inside. But I'm still seething externally about them going out. It's just something that I'll have to get use to...

Now I don't know what to say to my friend quite yet. The thing is, we're not extremely close friends but we've hanged out and can joke around but we're not quite comfortable enough to talk about deep stuff. She attempted to speak to me the other night but I was working on my debate. I'm a little bit anxious to hear what she's going to say and I can attest that I am a tad bit nervous about how I'm going to react. I'm not going to be hostile of course, but this uncertainty is killing me.

I'll make my first blog short but hopefully I'll put up designs and pictures I've been working on and hopefully more blogs!